Worth
by Tk Hikaru
Summary: Crisis Core - A request for a couple of good friends. Trying to capture the confusion in Cloud's mind and a different slant on the relationship of Zack and Cloud. not yet proof read


Lacking even the strength to hold up his head, Cloud couldn't prevent his breath from catching in his throat as each piercing sound from the battle drew closer. His heart skipped a beat by the cries of pain; gun shots, blades clashing. He wanted to run, he wanted to fight, he wanted to cry but his Mako poisoned body would grant him nothing but a sluggish fall to his side. The dirt smeared against his young face, the ground seemed to vibrate against his aching head.

'Why?' He thought to himself. 'Why can't I do it? Why am I so useless?'

They had been through so much together, Zack had never abandoned him and now he couldn't even so much as reach out to him. Paralysed by fear, immobilised by his weakness. He had for a needy moment refused to let go of Zack's arm as he had sat him down here safe from harm sheltered from the hail of bullets that now ripped at Zack's body.

'Why?'

None of it made any sense how had they ended up this way?

'Sephiroth? Shin-Ra?'

It was all messed up in his head, a confusion of images. How long had it been? When did it all start?

'Why?'

"Hey Tseng! Me and…"

"Cloud."

"Me and Cloud are both country boys!"

Was that even right? When did that even happen? Did he recall correctly?

'Zack…'

"Watch and learn Cloud."

"I wish I were in SOLDIER."

"It's a den of monsters don't go inside."

'Laughter? When? Why?'

"Where are you from?"

"Nibelheim."

"Hey Tseng! Me and…"

"Cloud."

"Me and Cloud are both country boys!"

"We're friends aren't we?"

"Hey Cloud! Together again!"

"You remembered me."

His head felt on the verge of exploding, the hard dusty floor so hot against his face. The world was spinning around him. Daring to close his eyes once more Cloud sought for a clear path through the confusion. Everything was muddled; a mix of images merging together losing meaning. He breathed slow trying to drown out the noise.

'Where? Where did it begin?'

"Hey Cloud, you alright?"

"Yeah the flight here made me feel a little… ugh…" He quickly put his hand to his mouth.

"Easy does it." Zack said rubbing Cloud's back a little. "You always feel sick travelling?"

"Yeah… I just get anxious…"

"What are you anxious about?"

"I don't really know…"

Zack laughed warmly patting Cloud's back affectionately.

"You shouldn't feel anxious, at least not when I'm around. I'll watch out for you."

"Thanks Zack." Cloud smiled weakly in gratitude.

"Don't mention it. Hey do you want to grab something to eat? Might take your mind off the mission and you might feel better for it."

Cloud nodded shyly and Zack smiled putting an arm around his companion's shoulders.

He had always cared; Zack had always been there. Such a pathetic soldier just a mere infantryman, he would never be worth even the tiniest fraction of Zack, or Sephiroth for that matter.

'Sephiroth?'

"How does it feel to be home after all this time?"

The Nibelheim mission?

"It feels pretty lousy…" Cloud muttered under his breath. "I told them I was going to be famous but look at me… I'm pathetic…"

Zack passed Cloud stopping for a moment to place a hand on the blonde's shoulder; he smiled and nodded encouragingly. How could they comprehend how he felt with all their heroic strength and greatness? That was at least what he thought to himself. The closest Cloud would ever be to a hero was his success as a heroic failure.

He leant back against the old well with a sigh, he remembered the promise and his heart sank.

"What are you doing out here?"

Looking up in surprise as his thoughts were interrupted Cloud found Zack stood not to far away with his normal carefree expression.

"Couldn't sleep." He replied to the previously posed question.

"Why?"

"Thinking about the past."

"Want to talk about it?"

He always had wanted to know his thoughts; Zack always wanted to be closer. Whenever Cloud looked at him that warm and cheery smile greeted him.

"Good work Cloud!"

When he fell he was there to help him up, he was there to worry and care. He was so genuine.

"Embrace your dreams."

What did it mean to embrace your dreams?

"This sword is a symbol of my dreams and honour."

"I'm a coward I couldn't even help Tifa… I wish I were in SOLDIER."

"SOLDIER is a den of monsters, don't go inside."

'That smile he was always smiling.'

"But I'm a coward…"

'Why? Why did he always smile? Zack…'

With a frustrated but quiet growl Cloud fell back on the bed, he rolled onto his side pulling his knees into his chest. He was never going to make SOLDIER, for the hundredth time since arriving in Nibelheim Zack had bailed him out of trouble. He had greatly underestimated the monsters lurking in the basement of the old mansion. If Zack hadn't been there to kill the numerous monsters Cloud would have met his end for sure. He wasn't of any use here, the town had Sephiroth and Zack, and they didn't need a lame infantryman too.

"You should be more careful, but it happens to the best of us Cloud, don't worry about it okay? We all misjudge things but you'll get it I have faith in you." Zack's voice replayed in his mind.

The words of encouragement had unwittingly patronised the young infantryman, but it wasn't Zack's fault Cloud was angry with himself. He continually made a fool of himself.

"Stop having faith in me." He said aloud to the words in his memory. "It's useless even bothering, I can't do anything."

He heard the inn door open downstairs and Zack cheerily greet the innkeeper. Sitting up quickly he picked his helmet up from the floor and tucking it under his arm made his way to the top of the stairs he couldn't face Zack right now he needed to be alone. As Zack saw him at the top of the stairwell he smiled warmly.

"You seem to be feeling better. Where are you headed?"

"Back to the mansion."

"Why?"

"Keeping watch."

Zack frowned a little at Cloud's short monotone answers.

"Sephiroth can take care of himself."

"Don't you think I know that?" Cloud snapped suddenly.

Zack took a step down as Cloud momentarily and uncharacteristically lost his temper, he had never seen that from the shy blond before.

"Cloud are you feeling okay? I mean is everything alright?"

The blond dropped his eyes and put on his helmet to hide his embarrassment.

"I'm sorry… Everything is fine."

He continued down the stairs but stubbornly the SOLDIER grasped his hand. Quickly shaking it off Cloud left the inn and then ran all the way to the mansion gates wishing not to be followed.

Zack stood by the window of the inn bedroom for a long time thinking hard. It wasn't difficult to figure out that Cloud felt embarrassed and inadequate but things must have been really eating at the infantryman to make him crack like that even if it was only for a split second. It was normally so hard to catch Cloud out long enough to decipher his thoughts. Zack wondered if perhaps it was his fault, was he just aggravating the situation? Well he wouldn't answer his questions by just standing there pondering he needed to find Cloud.

As he pushed open the rusty old mansion gates he looked up at the ominous old building. It gave him the shivers thinking of what may have occurred here over the years. It was all horror stories and hearsay but it was all creepy never the less. The gravel and dust crunched underfoot as he approached the great creaking doors. It was an impressive place no matter how often you pushed your way into the huge entrance hall. He headed straight up the stairs and to the right but the chair that Cloud normally occupied whilst on watch was empty.

"Oh no… Cloud please tell me you didn't do anything stupid…" Heading down into the secret basement area Zack looked around feverishly. "Cloud? Cloud! Are you down here?"

He was nowhere to be seen and in the far research room Sephiroth sat silently and undisturbed. Leaving his fellow first class to himself once more Zack exited the basement. Most of the doors in the old mansion were locked so there were few places to look. He wasn't likely to be in the safe room and that only left the bedroom. Knocking gently he waited, he heard movement inside but there was no answer.

"Cloud are you in there?"

"I think it's best I'm alone right now."

"Aww… Come on don't be like that. I just want to talk a little." There was silence and Zack was sure he heard Cloud sigh.

As the door slowly opened Cloud looked up at Zack smiling sympathetically but the blond just dropped his head again. He didn't even flinch as Zack put his sword to one side and sat down heavily on the bed beside him. The infantryman had clearly meant to stay here for the night, as he was bootless and gloveless.

"I'm sorry Zack."

"What for?"

"Losing it before…"

"Don't be sorry, it's excusable once in a while and something is clearly bothering you. So… It's cool."

"Thanks."

"What?"

"You're so patient with me. If I were you I wouldn't be here now."

"Well it's probably best that I'm me and not you then huh? We're friends and I want to look out for you, so come on… talk to me."

"I wish I knew where to start…"

"Feeling inadequate?"

"Yeah…"

Zack brushed his hand over Cloud's shoulder for a moment reassuringly.

"Nothing wrong with that, I remember feeling the exact same way when I first started out, but… You won't get any stronger sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. A big part of being strong and having pride is learning to rely on others sometimes. You know when things get tough. It's inevitable that one day you'll meet an enemy you can't beat by yourself. Sometimes you'll fall and someone will help you through it. You shouldn't take it as a personal thing but just accept the help of your friend. You're a lot stronger if you can graciously accept the help of another." Zack smiled to himself thinking of his comrades in SOLDIER and then he looked to Cloud once more. "People are drawn to you. You're a pretty likeable guy and people are always going to want to help you out so you should get used to it. Those people aren't saying that you're not strong enough, they're saying that they care about you and they want you to succeed."

The blonde's young eyes were fixated on Zack there was still something eagerly waiting to be voiced.

"The truth is…" Cloud began, he paused and took a deep breath trying to word what he wanted to say. "I admire you, but at the same time I'm jealous. I want to make SOLDIER so bad, you've achieved more than I could dream of and I… I just can't seem to…"

Zack ruffled Cloud's hair affectionately.

"No matter what you achieve there will always be something else, a new dream. I used to think my only ambition was to make first but once I got there I wanted more. I wanted to help people; I want to be a hero. Without dreams to drive us on we men really are nothing."

"…But… you are a hero Zack. You're a hero to me."

"Don't get like that on me…" Zack retorted in embarrassment waving his hand and looking away from Cloud. The blond had caught him a little by surprise.

"I mean it." Cloud put of his hands on Zack's arm. "If I were even the tiniest part of the man you are I would be everything that I want to be."

With a slightly stunned and disbelieving eyes he stared at Cloud, slowly the blond flushed in his intense gaze, Zack laughed at the soft colouring now in his companion's cheeks.

"You're too cute."

Not sure what to make of the strange compliment Cloud removed his hand and looked away. He felt it was better that he hadn't said anything at all he had made an idiot out of himself, a hero worshipping weirdo.

"Sorry…" Cloud mumbled.

"Thanks Cloud." Reaching out Zack brushed Cloud's cheek with the back of his fingers.

"Huh?" The blond blushed deeper still at Zack's touch.

"I find comfort in you even when nothing else makes sense. Knowing that you're watching me and looking up to me, I feel like I'm doing good. I feel like I've done something right."

Extending his hand a little further to his other cheek Zack turned Cloud's face and leant in kissing him deeply.

"Zack!"

Cloud couldn't protest as Zack pulled him into an even deeper kiss holding the back of his head as he rolled their tongues together. The SOLDIER's eyes were tightly shut in the moment but Cloud's eyes stayed open lost in surprise and confusion. Yet the confusion was a sweet and dizzying feeling that drew a soft sigh from him as Zack smiled against his lips. Opening his eyes the SOLDIER watched the teen's baffled expression as he blinked over and over as he rushed through his mind searching for answers while his heart thumped in his young unprepared chest.

"I'm sorry…" Zack grinned bashfully scratching the back of his head.

"It's okay." Cloud replied looking at his hands in his lap as he tried to think of what to do next. It had felt nice and had left a warm feeling inside like butterflies. Lifting his hands hesitantly he put them carefully on Zack's face and lay on his lips a coy and gentle kiss, a test for himself. As brief as it was the older cherished the tiny moment and reached up to pull off the necktie of Cloud's uniform. The blond swallowed hard but Zack tried to reassure him with a back handed caress down his left cheek. Cloud couldn't look at the other man embarrassed and increasingly unsure of himself. Zack smiled softly again as the word cute crossed his mind once again. This had not been planned but he sighed leaning toward the blond who turned his face away from the prospective kiss. Zack opted to kiss Cloud's ear instead while he slowly worked his fingers under the buckles of Cloud's uniform braces. The blonde's eyes still refused to make contact as his heart and mind raced. Zack's kisses on his neck, his hands on him, he didn't know what to make of it.

"Zack." He dropped his hand over the exploring fingers.

"What's wrong?"

"I…" Cloud swallowed hard. "Let me do it…" He replied nodding to alliterate his point.

Zack withdrew his hands as Cloud took a deep breath and quickly unfastened the buckles removing his braces and shoulder plates. He then put his hands on the edge of his shirt but stopped again in shyness. Seeing the hesitation Zack unfastened his own shoulder plates and removed his braces and shirt confidently dropping them to the floor with a small thud. Cloud's coy eyes fluttered over Zack's torso as he sat there comfortably exposed; the old man was in no hurry. The blonde's affections were enough, more than enough, these quickly passing moments were an unexpected reward.

"Cloud don't feel like you…"

Pushing into Zack's arms Cloud long to be kissed and the SOLDIER gladly held him kissing his face tenderly and stroking his soft blond hair. His touch and the contact now between them at last ignited a passion in Cloud as he awkwardly pulled free of the embrace to remove his shirt. He pushed against Zack needily forcing smooth hot skin against smooth hot skin. The black haired male found himself smiling against Cloud's face as the teen grew bold and pushed him down on the bed. However on finding himself lying on top of Zack and the subject of adventurous caresses Cloud blushed madly. Afraid a retreat was imminent Zack rolled Cloud onto his back and kissed him whilst embracing him tightly. The younger male smiled shyly running his hands up Zack's strong back finishing in his thick black hair. There his hands stayed even as Zack finished undressing him, he was too nervous to let go and wanted to keep the other male close for fear of feeling exposed. He watched an orange glow fall on the SOLDIER's skin as the sunset cast its colours in through the tall window.

Letting his eyes drift lazily over Cloud's naked figure Zack was spoilt for choice over where to start, the younger male was well formed for a teenager. He was about to caress the flat toned stomach but thought better of it as he paused for a moment to remove his leather gloves. He wanted to feel the hot skin under his touch smooth and soft; at least that is how he envisaged that it felt. At first he lay his hand flat against Cloud's stomach covering his navel and there was a nervous flinch of exhaled breath as Cloud twitched. Smiling Zack applied his other hand before running them both up to the blonde's shoulders and then out and down his curved sides finishing at his hips. Cloud rolled with him arching his back a little in an almost feline fashion that showed his approval of the prolonged caress. Leaning down Zack trailed kisses in pursuit of his hands drawing out an uncomfortable and nervous noise from the youth watching him intently. With a mischievous grin he sat back allowing his eyes to wander over the beauty lay before him. The word beautiful wouldn't have normally sat right with him when applied to another man but there was nothing else for it, Cloud was exquisite. He was younger, bright eyed and within him lay hidden strength and spirit that Zack longed to nurture and release.

No words could express how either lover felt, nothing could describe the unprepared nerves, the emotions, the thoughts in the back of their minds. Nothing could separate them now. Cloud gave a stifled cry into a forceful and fiery kiss, that first moment; the first movement had hurt more than expected. Or perhaps it had felt so much different to what he had thought it would. He clutched Zack's arms and writhed beneath his lover trying to move with the unbreakable rhythm. Zack's SOLDIER physique made him to keep up with and Cloud was quickly overwhelmed with cries and moans that came from deep within a part of himself he never knew he had. The bashfulness, the uncertainty had all melted away in Zack's hot embrace, each kiss pulling from him the nervous boy and throwing it to the wayside. He tried to lock his legs with the black haired male's desperately looking to anchor himself as he gasped for breath between kisses. He felt dizzy and lost in the whirlwind of sensations that had ensued.

"Zack!"

"Are you alright?" The older man asked in a concern as he leant down to kiss Cloud's shoulder, the blond moaned uncomfortably into the kiss.

"I'm… fine…"

Kneeling up slightly Zack traced his hands from Cloud's shoulders to his hips once again causing the same arching motion only this time the blond pushed against him crying out loudly in pleasure. Groaning as he was forced deeper Zack twisted to catch hold of Cloud who writhed in a series of climatic cries. He sat up suddenly into Zack's lap clinging to him for all he was worth, willing him to never let go. He never wanted this moment to end; this night had to last forever, the world was too cruel to face. Burying his face into his lover's blond hair the SOLDIER inhaled deeply cherishing the precious embrace for a long drawn out moment. He then slowly lay the infantryman down moving against him once more. Cloud softly moaned for Zack trusting in him sweetly and completely.

Perhaps they would never be together this way again Zack thought not that it mattered for this was an eternity of happiness. A light film of sweat covered Cloud's pale unblemished skin, he looked satisfyingly exhausted and blissful, and Zack couldn't help but smile. It was over all too quickly but he would never forget even if this were to be the first and last time. Rolling onto his back Zack turned his eyes to the window as the stars were beginning to venture into the twilight. Cloud turned over too resting his head snugly on his lover's chest nestling safely into his arms. Zack subconsciously ran his fingers through the slightly damp strands of blond hair placing a gentle and tender kiss on his lover's head. What did this mean for them now? Zack was more determined than ever to protect Cloud and see his dreams fulfilled. Cloud had taken his first step to relying on others, taking, love, affection and comfort when it was offered. Such things were rare in battle, he really didn't feel strong enough on his own but with Zack the sky was his limit.

It was a bittersweet sunrise as Cloud watched from the window of the mansion, the soft morning colours reflecting off the face of Mount Nibel. Having finished dressing Zack stepped up behind Cloud and put his arms around the infantryman kissing the base of his neck. It had been seven days since the visit to the reactor and still Sephiroth was to re-emerge from the basement. Zack had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach but he didn't want to say anything to ruin this morning. Cloud looked to him in time to receive on last kiss as Zack drew from him and left heading back down to the town. He retook his watch outside the basement but soon grew bored of watching the concealed doorway; he wandered back toward the bedroom and cast his eyes over the unmade bed. He didn't linger long as he turned to thinking to go and find Zack to look on his smiling face again. He stopped as he saw a familiar figure slowly walking down the stairs. At last,

"Sephiroth?"

'Was it then? Did the town get destroyed that day? Why? Why would Sephiroth hurt the townspeople? My mother? Zack...'

"You did it Cloud…"

'Sephiroth killed by an infantryman? Was that a lie? Wishful thinking?'

"Hey Tseng! Me and…"

"Cloud."

"Me and Cloud are both country boys!"

"Zack… Zack. I'd be worth nothing without you…"

"You're worth more than you know. You'll be stronger than me someday, I can feel it."

"I wouldn't do that to you… We're friends right?"

'Who said that?'

That was voice was so distant now. Zack had walked away so determined that he hadn't seen the desperate and shaking hand reach for him."

"Freedom has quite a price…"

"We're friends right?"

'Wait was that? Rain?'

Cool and soothing drops of rain fell on Cloud's feverish face, it was silent now, the battle. With new determination Cloud pulled himself up and proceeded to drag himself the mud, blood, discarded weapons and infantry helmets. He could see Zack ahead, he was hurt very badly it seemed. Dragging his heavy poisoned body through the destruction Cloud hauled himself onto his knees at Zack's side, those Mako blue eyes quickly found him. Cloud couldn't speak; those injuries were more than simple superficial wounds.

"Z...Zack?"

"For… the both… of us…"

"For the both of us?"

"That's right… you're gonna…" Zack reached up to touch Cloud's face and then rested his hand on the back of his head drawing him down into a half embrace against his bloodied chest. "Live… You'll be… my living legacy…" Cloud pulled free of his lover's hold, Zack's blood was tragically smeared up his young face. Pulling sluggishly at his sword Zack pulled it in placing the hilt into Cloud's hands and pushing it toward him as forcefully as he could. "My honour, my dreams, they're… yours now…"

Looking to the hand clasping his to the sword Cloud felt choked he didn't understand, he didn't want to comprehend the meaning of those words.

"I'm your living legacy?"

Zack's hand fell from the sword splashing into the muddy blood mingled water. Cloud's eyes traced Zack's face looking for life, those cheerful eyes closed forever, that smile silenced. It couldn't be real, he sobbed trying to refrain, holding back the tears of acceptance. Unable to convey his feelings any other way he gripped the sword to his chest and threw his head back letting out a pained and heart broken scream, cursing the world.

"My name is Cloud, SOLDIER 1st Class."


End file.
